Realignment through rejection
Sometimes, rejection feels like a punch in the stomach. You step out of your comfort zone, put yourself out there, and then… auch. A door closes in your face.
In my previous story, I shared how I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone lately. One of those steps was creating a 3-day-course for the Insight Timer app. Until now, I had only published music tracks and a few audio stories. I felt it was time to try something new. Something that might also open doors to a more stable income.
Even though creating this course felt uncomfortable and unnatural, I kept pushing through. It took a lot of moments of doubt and insecurities but in the end, I finished it. I finally created something that I felt might be good enough.
I know there was a chance they wouldn’t accept it right away. Maybe I would receive feedback to make some final adjustments. That seemed like the worst-case scenario. But I wasn’t prepared for what actually happened. A full rejection of the course.
The pain of rejection
When I opened their email, I expected some feedback, maybe a few edits to improve the course. Instead, they told me the overall audio quality wasn’t up to their standard. They suggested working with a sound engineer to create a new and better course.
At first, that hit my ego hard. I’ve studied music production. I have years of experience creating quality sound. And yet, here I was, being told that my work wasn’t good enough, while many teachers without any production experience did get accepted.
My ego wanted to lash out, to defend myself, and to prove them wrong. But deep down, I knew better. And if I was completely honest with myself… they had a point. Lately I haven’t had a real space to record. no quiet room, no studio. Every time I work on audio, I’m just trying to make the best of what I’ve got, by removing background noise, cutting and editing things together. Creating the course didn’t flow and this rejection made me face that.
Trying to meet high standards
This rejection wasn’t just about an audio course. It brought up something I’ve struggled with my whole life, the need to prove myself. The fear that if I’m not good enough, not perfect, or not like everyone else, I won’t belong anywhere.
It reminded me of all the times I tried to fit into places that weren’t made for me. You might think: This isn’t such a big deal, right? Just try again, make a better course. And yes, that makes sense, but for me this feeling goes much deeper.
In high school I never really fit in with any of the groups, and therefore didn’t have many friends. When I played field hockey and moved up to a higher team, my new teammates didn’t accept me. Instead, they started bullying me in cruel ways. And in the music industry, I faced rejection after rejection, until I started believing I simply wasn’t good enough.
Somehow, I’ve been feeling the same way about Insight Timer. Logically, I know it doesn’t make sense. But to me, it felt like this group of real teachers and musicians, people I looked up to, people I hoped to be a part of.
Yes, my music got accepted, and I’m grateful for that. But the moment I tried to step outside of that role and actually be part of the teachers, it didn’t work out.
From victim mode to honesty
I realize this story might sound a bit over the top, maybe even far-fetched. How can one rejection bring up all these feelings? It might sound like I’m making myself the victim. Like I’m giving up too quickly. But I’m just being honest.
Rejection can feel like so much more than it actually is, but the emotions that come up are very real and they deserve to be felt. After letting myself feel, it was time to take a step back and look at what was really happening. I had a choice. I could either recreate the course and do my best to improve it, learning through the process. Or I could decide to leave it as it was and simply be proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone.
So, I asked myself a few questions to get clarity:
- Do I actually enjoy creating this course?
- Was I only doing this because I thought I should?
- Why did I decide to make this course in the first place?
The answer became clear fast. I created this course because it seemed like a smart move. A way to build passive income, gain more followers, just like I saw other teachers doing. And I did it simply to try something new.
But deep down? It felt heavy. Like an obligation. I had a hard time finding joy in it. If I were to recreate the course, it would only be because otherwise, I’d feel like I was giving up. Even saying this out loud scares me a little. What if people see me as weak?
The truth is… this isn’t about what anyone else thinks. Redoing the course wouldn’t be what I want, it would come from a fear of judgment. Of course, if you have a goal that truly feels aligned, rejection shouldn’t stop you. You keep going, you find a way to make it happen. But sometimes, like my case, maybe rejection is a sign to pause and ask: “Is this really in alignment with me?”
As painful as this rejection was, it gave me time to rethink my actions. It healed old parts of me that were still holding on to the past. And most of all, it gave me clarity about where I actually want to go.
What brings me joy?
The moment I let go of the idea that I had to create this course, I felt lighter. The truth is, I don’t regret making it. The process taught me so much about getting out of my comfort zone. It helped me use my voice and heal part of me that needed healing.
But if they had accepted my course, if I had gotten a taste of making money this way, I know what would have happened. I would have kept creating more courses. Not because I loved it, but because I wanted security. The income, not because it was my path.
And that’s why this rejection was an opportunity. A chance to pause before going further in a certain direction. A moment to ask myself: “Is this really my path?”
The Answer? No. not right now. I mean, who knows what the future holds? Maybe one day, if it feels aligned, I’ll create a course again. But not because I feel like I should. Only if I truly want to.
But at this moment, I know what makes my heart sing.
This.
Writing. Sharing my story.
To me, writing is the greatest freedom I’ve ever known. A way to express myself boldly from a comfortable place. Even if no one reads it, I would still write. Even if it never becomes successful, I would still love it.
Writing flows effortlessly. It feels natural, like breathing. And so, I leave you with this:
"Sometimes rejection is a chance to realign with what truly matters."
x, Maura,
Written by Maura ten Hoopen, Spiritual Creator, Music Producer and Writer.
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