Re-alignment through rejection
In my latest blog I shared how I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone, one step at a time. One of these things, was creating a 3-day course, for the application insight timer. After only publishing audio stories and music on the app, I felt I needed a change and try something different. Something that also gives a possibility of earning more passive money there. Even though the whole time creating this course I felt uncomfortable, I thought it was a good sign to push myself into a new direction. I knew there was a big chance Insight timer would reject my course at first, telling me to adjust a few things. But it wasn’t my worsed fear that became a reality, it was worse…
Worse than I thought
Yes I was nervous that perhaps my first course needed adjusting. But I was so proud I created it anyway and I figured, redoing a few things might be alright. What I did not expect was the actual response I got. They shared with me that the whole quality of the course wasn’t good enough. The audio wasn’t to their standards. They could hear it wasn’t created in a studio and suggested I would try talking to sound techician. At first this upset my ego a lot, since I am a graduated music producer with lots of experience in music production and creating high quality sounds. But I realized this rejection, hurt me so much more than it should.
Trying to live up to high standards
Most people will probably think: Just give it another try, don’t give up. But the emotions were so strong, it really blew my mind and I couldnt really think about my next step yet. I needed to release all the emotions I’ve been having many times in my life. Trying to live up to certain standards, and often receiving rejction. It’s a pain I’ve been experiencing as long as I can remember. This is not about Insighttimer, but the feeling it gives me. It reminds me of many moments in my life. Trying to fit in, and pushing myself to make sure I’m accepted, to a point where I’m not even enjoying what I am doing.
Why not try again?
Sometimes I believe in trying, even if it takes many tries. But only whe this comes from a place of knowing this is what you truly want. After releasing most of the emotios around being rejected, I took some time to realign myself and ask myself a few question. Questions suchs as: “Do I truly enjoy creating a course?” “What would I create and do if money didn’t matter?” “What brings up a lot of resistance, and what flows?” I answered all kinds of questions like these. And what became very clear, is that re-creating the course is something that feels like a real burden. I probable created the course in the first place to hopefully find my way through a better passive income and courses are a great way to do that. But is this really me? No, it’s a clear no.
Than what should I do?
Well, first of all I want to share that I don’t regret creating the course, as it brought me a lot of healing. I got to experience using my voice more and even the rejection, opened up my heart even more. It hurt so badly, but after releasing it, I feel much clearer. this was just another try, to see if this could be an asset to my purpose and path, but it showed me not because of the rejection, but because of how the creation felt, that it’s not my thing.
What brings me flow?
Honestly? This. Writing is the biggest freedom I’ve ever felt. Even if no one would read it, I would still be creating it. If it would be rejected, I would still find joy in it. This is why trying things can help you find your purpose. And rejections, is not a worsed enemy. It is a moment in which you can reflect and think: Do I really want this? Is this in alignment with me? If yes, than definitely do not give up! Keep trying as many times as necessary. But your trying something and it feels like a burden. You feel you have to keep trying to prove something yourself or others. Maybe first think again… Maybe the trying and rejection was to show you, what is not your path.
I’m not saying it’s all black and white and I’ll never create a course, maybe in another way, or on another platform. But the rejection gave me the time to reflect and align myself again with what I truly desire.
"True fulfillment comes when the process itself feels like the reward."
x, Maura,
Written by Maura ten Hoopen, Spiritual Creator, Music Producer and Writer.
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