35 and only just beginning
How did I get here?
Sometimes you find yourself thinking:
“Where did the time go, and what happened?”
I’ve been wondering this lately.
Our paths are meant to be different.
I assumed that by 35 I would be my happiest.
I would be ‘successful’.
I’d have a house,
a purpose,
a stable income,
a partner,
friends,
maybe even a dog.
Well,
that didn’t happen.
I realized that comparing my life to other 35-year-olds is a form of emotional abuse towards myself.
Not because I’m such a disaster, but because our paths truly are meant to be different. To learn different lessons. To experience different realities.
Only just beginning.
I might not have external things to prove I’ve lived for this long.
I do have an unusual deep inner world filled with words and bravery that want to come out.
I was meant to go deep within,
to walk the path of the unknown,
to release what has been stuck in generations before me,
and to gather all insights that I have discovered there.
Now I am ready to step into the external world.
And not empty handed.
Yes I am only just beginning,
putting one foot in front of the other,
I've been growing my roots.
I got to build my home within myself first.
A home, so big, so solid, filled with secret chambers, insights and adventures.
I am starting from a blanc canvas.
But I have all the tools to create so much more than I could have if I had started years ago.
I would have built something that crumbles easily at the slightest sign of rain.
Now that I am internally ready,
I am excited to start building upwards.
My roots go deep,
making it possible for the branches to grow wide.
I used to be ashamed to admit this to myself.
That my internal world is filled, but my outer world empty.
Sharing this out loud made me realize:
I am no longer ashamed of who I am.
This is my journey.
I am the only one who gets to walk it.
And I am thankful.
Vulnerability opens a space where others can feel seen, and safe, ready to embrace who they truly are.
x, Maura
Written by Maura ten Hoopen, Spiritual Creator, Music Producer and Writer.
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