Embracing life as an outsider
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt different from other people. I was the odd one out in my family, at school, in friend groups, pretty much everywhere. As a child, I was already deeply drawn to spirituality and felt emotions intensely. Later, my mom and psychologists discovered I’m highly sensitive, which means my brain picks up on so many little details instead of filtering things out like most people. For those into human design, I’m a projector, so I also function differently in that way.
In this blog I’ll share my struggles, but more importantly, how I now see being “different”. The labels of highly sensitive, introvert, projector, or empath, don’t truly matter. What matters most is my perception, and it took me a while to embrace this side of myself. Here’s my story.

Childhood
As a child, I think I already realized I was different from my family. I was more sensitive to things like lack of sleep and my surroundings. I also had vivid dreams and nightmares that I could easily remember. At school, teachers often complained that I was daydreaming and not paying attention. From what I recall, I felt like an alien in this world. I tried to keep up with others, but it never came naturally to me. I preferred one-on-one interactions with friends or small group gatherings. Yet, I was often expected to attend large parties and events.
Music was my escape, allowing me to relax and enjoy my own little bubble for a while. I also felt a deep connection to animals and had many pets. I remember one holiday where I kept returning to a field of cows because they seemed so sweet to me. Many people find this strange, as most don’t see cows I the same way they see dogs or cats. But to me, they were just as special.
Being a teenager
During my teenage years, I struggled a lot with feeling different. I noticed it was hard to share my emotions with the people around me. Often, they would dismiss my feelings or make fun of them because they didn’t understand how deep my emotions went. I don’t think they realized how serious it all was for me and how much it hurt when they rejected my feelings. Talking about deep things or spirituality wasn’t really “normal” in my surroundings. After trying many times to show the real me, I realized I needed to protect myself by not sharing too much. Instead, I found a way to release my emotions through music.
In high school, I tried to fit in, but it didn’t work out. Sure, I had a few friends for some years, but most of the time I was misunderstood, made fun of, or so alone that I would hide in the bathroom during lunch.
Resentment
Because I felt I wasn’t accepted for who I truly was, I started to resent people more and more. I felt like a victim, believing it was their fault that I had become so insecure and socially awkward. I struggled to be myself around others because I feared how they would react. For years, I tried to adapt, to be active like others, to be an extrovert, to have a “normal” job, to keep friendships even when they weren’t healthy for me, and to have a typical life with an accepted boyfriend. And for a while, it worked. I was fitting in better and had a somewhat accepted life, studying physical therapy and living in a decent home with my boyfriend at the time.
But by not being myself by wearing a mask and pretending, I exhausted myself. Alcohol had become my way to cope with everything, and it took a huge toll on my health and life. Eventually, I became so exhausted that I developed chronic fatigue, which lasted at least two years. During that time, I was constantly tired, with painful muscles, and I would get sick if I did any physical activities. I also had brain fog, and socializing was just too exhausting. Those two years of spending most of my time on the couch changed everything for me. As I realized I didn’t want to live anymore if this was it.
A promise to myself
After graduating from physical therapy, I realized it was time to change everything for the better. I promised myself that I would never again push myself in directions that weren’t truly in alignment with who I am. Over the years, people have called me selfish or unsocial, because I’ve stopped spending time in situations that drain my energy. I understand why they would feel that way, but what they don’t realize is how much energy I had wasted before, and now I had to protect it and fill my own cup first.
A lot has changed since I made this promise to myself. I’m still figuring out who the real me is, what she wants, and what she deserves, but I’m getting closer everyday.
Listening to my inner calling
It’s been a few years since I made that promise to myself, and life has been getting better and better. My chronic fatigue is gone, and I’ve healed many of my insecurities, old stuck emotions, and traumas. Yes, it’s still challenging at times to feel different, but I no longer see myself as a victim. I now understand that it’s my responsibility to take care of myself. Everyone has their own struggles and life lessons, and mine is about staying authentic in a world that sometimes feels unfamiliar to me.
I’m also not the only one who feels this way. I just haven’t found all the right people yet, but I believe I will. I see this journey as an opportunity to grow, to embrace who I am, and by doing so, to encourage others to feel comfortable being their true selves too. We are all different, and we all have a reason for being here.
Whatever your struggle may be, maybe you can see it as an opportunity too? I’m here for you. Feel free to share your thoughts below. Much love.

x, Maura
Written by Maura ten Hoopen, Spiritual Creator, Music Producer & Writer